Episode 7
Understanding Overthinking: A Barrier to Self-Trust
Hello Wild Soul, in this episode of the Wild Soul Grove Podcast, I explore the link between overthinking and self-trust, especially for capable people who get stuck in mental loops that feel impossible to escape.
I talk about why overthinking is not a character flaw or a lack of intelligence. In many cases, it is intelligence weighed down by responsibility. When you care deeply, when you are used to thinking ahead, when you feel responsible for outcomes, your mind can become overtrained to anticipate consequences. What starts as being thoughtful can slowly turn into a pattern of second-guessing that drains your energy and leaves you feeling unsure of your own judgment.
We look at how over-analysis creates a kind of internal paralysis. The more you review, the more uncertain you feel, and the more you reach outside yourself for reassurance. I share why outsourcing certainty to others can feel collaborative at first, but can quietly turn into a need for external validation, which then erodes self-trust even further.
I also reflect on my own experiences of making choices that did not fit the conventional path, including stepping into a more nomadic lifestyle. I share what that taught me about alignment and why real clarity often comes after you move, not before.
Throughout the episode, I come back to a simple truth: confidence is built through action. I offer practical ways to start rebuilding self-trust by making small decisions without asking for permission, approval or guarantees. Each time you choose, follow through, and learn from the outcome, you strengthen your internal compass.
My intention is that you leave this episode feeling less trapped in your head, more connected to your inner signals, and more willing to take the next small step, even in the face of uncertainty.
Key takeaways
- Rebuilding self-trust means learning to live from a steadier internal place, rather than constantly seeking reassurance outside yourself.
- Overthinking often affects capable people most, especially those who carry responsibility and tend to second-guess their choices.
- Overthinking is a symptom of a capable mind that has been overtrained to anticipate consequences, and it can lead to mental exhaustion.
- Action builds confidence, and clarity often arrives after a decision is made, not before it.
Transcript
Foreign.
Speaker A:Welcome to this week's podcast.
Speaker A:So this podcast is about rebuilding self trust and learning to live from a steadier internal place.
Speaker A:Each month we explore one theme in depth.
Speaker A:This month we're looking at boundaries and self trust, particularly for capable people.
Speaker A:Capable people who have become used to carrying more than they should.
Speaker A:If you are someone others rely on, if you are the steady one, if you are thoughtful, capable and responsible, but internally feel like you are constantly second guessing yourself, then this episode is for you.
Speaker A:Today we're talking about overthinking.
Speaker A:Not casual thinking, not healthy reflection.
Speaker A:The kind of thinking that quietly drains energy.
Speaker A:The kind where you replay conversations hours later.
Speaker A:Where you analyze decisions repeatedly.
Speaker A:Where you want to be certain before you act.
Speaker A:And yet somehow the certainty never quite arrives.
Speaker A:Now here's something important.
Speaker A:Overthinking is not stupidity.
Speaker A:It's not weakness.
Speaker A:It's not even a lack of confidence.
Speaker A:Very often, overthinking is intelligence combined with responsibility.
Speaker A:It's what happens when a capable mind becomes over trained to anticipate consequences.
Speaker A:Let me just say that again.
Speaker A:So what happens when a capable mind, a capable mind becomes over trained to anticipate consequences?
Speaker A:Most of the people I work with are highly capable.
Speaker A:They'll hold families together.
Speaker A:They lead teams, they manage complicated lives.
Speaker A:From the outside, they look very composed.
Speaker A:But inside, there's a constant internal review process running.
Speaker A:It sounds like.
Speaker A:Did I say that right?
Speaker A:Was that the best decision?
Speaker A:Should I check with someone first?
Speaker A:And here is the strange thing.
Speaker A:The more competent someone is, the more likely they are to do this.
Speaker A:Because competent people understand consequences.
Speaker A:They know their decisions ripple outward.
Speaker A:So they become careful, thoughtful, measured.
Speaker A:All of which are good qualities until they tip into hesitation.
Speaker A:The philosopher William James, often called the father of modern psychology, once wrote, nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.
Speaker A:What he's describing is the mental strain of indecision when the mind keeps turning something over without closure, that state quietly drains cognitive energy.
Speaker A:And when people live there for years, they begin to doubt their own instincts.
Speaker A:And there's another layer to this.
Speaker A:When people lose trust in their internal signals, they begin to outsource certainty.
Speaker A:They check with friends, they ask colleagues, they ask partners, they gather opinions now and again.
Speaker A:This isn't foolish.
Speaker A:Collaboration is healthy.
Speaker A:But when every decision requires reassurance, something deeper is happening.
Speaker A:You're no longer using others for perspective.
Speaker A:You're in fact using them for permission.
Speaker A:And the danger of that is subtle.
Speaker A:Each time you outsource certainty, your subconscious learns.
Speaker A:My judgment isn't Enough, repeat it often enough, and that becomes your identity.
Speaker A:Carl Jung once wrote something powerful about this.
Speaker A:The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.
Speaker A:Now, that might sound poetic, but psychologically it is very precise.
Speaker A:Because becoming who you truly are requires something most people avoid.
Speaker A:It requires trusting your own perception of reality.
Speaker A:And that is difficult when you spent years collaborating your decisions around other people's reactions.
Speaker A:So let me share something from my own life.
Speaker A:Not long ago, I made a decision that many people around me thought irrational, maybe a little foolish.
Speaker A:My family and I decided to become nomadic.
Speaker A:We sold the structure of a very conventional life and began traveling the world with two young children.
Speaker A:Now, if you run that decision through a purely analytical framework, there are endless reasons not to do it.
Speaker A:Schooling, income, stability, housing, routine.
Speaker A:All the normal pillars of a secure life.
Speaker A:And I remember the moment where the decision had to move from thinking to action, because thinking could continue forever.
Speaker A:There'd always be another scenario to consider, another spreadsheet to build, another conversation to have.
Speaker A:Eventually, I realised something simple.
Speaker A:If I kept analysing the decision long enough, I'd kill it.
Speaker A:Not because it was wrong, but because the mind can always produce another hypothetical risk.
Speaker A:So the decision came down to a quieter question.
Speaker A:Does this feel aligned with the life I want to live?
Speaker A:And the answer was yes.
Speaker A:That was the moment thinking stopped and commitment began.
Speaker A:So now we travel.
Speaker A:My kids are growing up, experiencing the world.
Speaker A:There are different cultures, different languages, different landscapes.
Speaker A:And every time I see them adapt to a new place, I'm reminded of something.
Speaker A:Most of the limits that hold adults back are psychological, not practical.
Speaker A:There is an important distinction here.
Speaker A:Careful thinking gathers information and then moves.
Speaker A:Avoidance gathers information to delay movement.
Speaker A:One leads to clarity, the other leads to paralysis.
Speaker A:And the only way to know which one you're doing is to ask yourself a very honest question.
Speaker A:Am I learning something new right now?
Speaker A:Or am I just circling the same thoughts again?
Speaker A:If the same questions are repeating in your mind, thinking is no longer helping.
Speaker A:It is protecting you from discomfort.
Speaker A:The Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius have power over your mind, not outside events.
Speaker A:Realize this and you will find strength.
Speaker A:Overthinking reverses this equation.
Speaker A:It attempts to control outcomes that cannot be controlled.
Speaker A:Other people's reactions, future circumstances, every possible risk.
Speaker A:But strength returns when the focus shifts back to the only controllable element, your own decision.
Speaker A:So how do we build self trust?
Speaker A:And this is where many people misunderstand confidence.
Speaker A:They think confidence comes first and then action.
Speaker A:But psychologically, it works the opposite way.
Speaker A:Action produces Confidence.
Speaker A:The neuroscientist and psychiatrist Cole Weich summarized this.
Speaker A:How can I know what I think until I see what I do?
Speaker A:In other words, clarity often comes after movement, not before.
Speaker A:When someone begins acting on their own judgment, the nervous system slowly recalibrates.
Speaker A:Each successful decision reinforces a new internal message.
Speaker A:I can rely on myself.
Speaker A:Okay, let's take a moment.
Speaker A:Now, I'm going to sit down and find some space for meditation.
Speaker A:So if you're somewhere quiet and safe, I want you to allow your shoulders to soften slightly.
Speaker A:Take a slow breath in.
Speaker A:And a slow breath out.
Speaker A:Just allow the edges of your eyes to soften.
Speaker A:Allow your jaw to be slightly open.
Speaker A:And let that those shoulders drop a little bit more.
Speaker A:The breath is nice and slow.
Speaker A:Now bring to mind the decision you have been overthinking recently.
Speaker A:Not the biggest decision in your life, just something that has been circling.
Speaker A:Notice what happens in your body when you think about it.
Speaker A:Is there tightness?
Speaker A:Pressure?
Speaker A:Restlessness?
Speaker A:Now imagine that instead of analyzing it further, you simply choose a direction.
Speaker A:Not because you are certain, but because you are willing to learn through movements.
Speaker A:Take another breath and notice what happens when you imagine committing.
Speaker A:Very often there is a subtle shift.
Speaker A:Less noise, More clarity.
Speaker A:Because the nervous system relaxes when ambiguity ends.
Speaker A:Take one more deep breath.
Speaker A:Gently introduce movement to the body, starting at the feet and working your way up, Bringing the awareness just behind your eyes, still closed.
Speaker A:And with the next breath, I want you to slowly open your eyes and return to this moment.
Speaker A:So this week I've got a practical exercise for you.
Speaker A:Call it the Self Trust Rebuild.
Speaker A:So over the next week, I want you to practice something simple.
Speaker A:Choose three small decisions that you would normally overthink.
Speaker A:Now, examples might be a message you've been delaying, a boundary you've been softening.
Speaker A:A choice you've been polling other people about.
Speaker A:Instead of asking anyone else, make the decision yourself.
Speaker A:Then observe what happens.
Speaker A:Not the outcome, but the internal reaction.
Speaker A:Does anxiety spike?
Speaker A:Does your mind start replaying it?
Speaker A:Or does something surprising happen?
Speaker A:Often people notice a quiet sense of relief because the mental loop finally ends.
Speaker A:Each time you do this, your nervous system records a small piece of evidence.
Speaker A:I can act without perfect certainty.
Speaker A:And those pieces of evidence accumulate until self trust becomes natural again.
Speaker A:There's a beautiful line from the philosopher Soren Kierkegaard.
Speaker A:To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily.
Speaker A:Not to dare is to lose one's self.
Speaker A:That captures the essence of self trust.
Speaker A:Every meaningful decision carries uncertainty.
Speaker A:But when people avoid uncertainty entirely, something deeper erodes their connection.
Speaker A:To themselves.
Speaker A:Rebuilding self trust means accepting a small amount of instability and discovering that you can handle it.
Speaker A:Now, if you recognize yourself in this episode, you're not broken.
Speaker A:You are probably thoughtful, responsible, and capable.
Speaker A:You've simply trained your mind to prioritize caution over movement.
Speaker A:The work from here is not about becoming reckless.
Speaker A:It's becoming steady enough to act.
Speaker A:Next week, we'll explore what that steadiness actually looks like in daily life.
Speaker A:Not confidence, not boldness, but something far more powerful.
Speaker A:Internal steadiness.
Speaker A:Until then, practice those small decisions and watch what happens when you begin trusting your own judgment again.
Speaker A:So until next week, you'll find me in the grove.
Speaker A:Sa.
